Yes, nineteen years ago, on this very day, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I married "the estranged one." I wish that I had known then what I do now. But, alas I thought I was in love, and perhaps I was. I do not know. I also do not know why I leave myself stuck in this miserable non - relationship. I have plenty of grounds for divorce. We haven't lived together for over two years, he is seeing someone else (although he is not aware that I know this), I have no desire to reconcile, we tried that several times before and obviously it did not work, so what is stopping me? I've been giving this a lot of thought and have come up with a few theories.
1. I fear paying him spousal support. Because I make much more than he does and the length of time we have been married, he would be entitled to make a claim for it. I wouldn't put it past the greedy but lazy bastard to do so.
2. He is still useful for some things, even though sex is not one of them. I can still get him to cut the grass and make minor household and automotive repairs, gratis.
3. I don't trust him not to drag old skeletons out of the closet during divorce and/or custody procedings. I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've done some things in the past that aren't pretty. They are put behind me now, and I don't want to see them dragged out into the open again.
4. Division of property! Argh! I don't even want to think about that...
So there you have it, my exceptionally lame reasons for remaining in this marital limbo of mine. Will I ever gather enough courage to file for divorce? I don't know. I hope that I will. I need to get on with my life...
