No, I'm not talking about those times when PMS strikes. I'm referring to one of God's children whom we all know and love so well, THE Moody Bitch! Her bitchiness has reached such a degree of perfection that she has turned it into an art form. I bow to her greatness.
Having so often been on the receiving end of her bitchiness uniquely qualifies me to give lessons to any and all who wish to emulate her greatness.
Lesson #1: You must be a Moody Blues fan. You can under no circumstance listen to any music other than The Moody Blues.
Lesson #2: You must become a member of the Higher & Higher forum. While there you must befriend and kiss the asses of all of the amatuer photographers who post pictures there. Comments such as, "You always take such beautiful shots, whatever sort of camera do you use?" must be used frequently there, even though most of the photos have been defiled by idiots who think that scrawling their name (or screen name) through the photos constitutes copyright. (It doesn't!)
Lesson #3: You must consider any person who removes the scrawl from such photos to be guilty of a capital offense. Learn to spot offenses!
It is your duty as a self appointed Moody Policewoman to search the web for offenders and punish them by spewing hatred at them. Calling them fat, ugly sluts is always a good way to start...
Lesso #4: You must consider Marie Hayward to be the most beautiful woman alive, even though she looks like, well... this:
Anyone caught expressing an unflattering opinion of Mrs. Hayward must be punished. Once again, the words "fat, ugly slut" are very useful. There's no need to be creative or original, just be fucking nasty!
Lesson #5: Never admit to being who you really are, even though your IP adresses are dead giveaways. Use multiple computers in different locations to try to cover your tracks; home,work, school. Create different "Moody Screen Names" to use when spouting nasty comments on other people's personal webspace. Be stupid enough to believe that this will work.
So, there you have it! How to be a Moody Bitch in five easy lessons. Now go out there and get bitchy!
Be sure to check the comments below to see a fine example of her work!
Awww... Her "friends" think that Marie is beautiful. I think that these closet lesbians need to come out of the closet and get their bifocals changed!
