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My Useless Blobs

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Charleroi, PA, USA
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Hannover, Germany

The WeatherPixie

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moon phases

My Blogchalk

Female/41-45. Lives in United States/Pennsylvania/Charleroi, speaks English. My interests are The Scorpions/Guitars.

United States, Pennsylvania, Charleroi, English, Female, 41-45, The Scorpions, Guitars.

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Michael Schenker - THank You 4......



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Photo Album Last Updated: 10/22/06

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You got no vision in your head
You got no vision
You're better dead!
~Klaus Meine~

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Monday, February 28, 2005


If you are thinking of leaving a nasty comment on one of my posts, you had better think twice. I just learned of a nifty, neat-o feature on Haloscan that allows me to edit your comments. No longer do I have to delete your miserable trashy comments, I can make you say wonderful things about me. Oh, yes, I can also make you say not-so-nice things about yourself, too! Don't believe me? Go to this post and see what AMdyBluFan has to say in the comments now!

Tee hee! I am considering lifting the bans on all of her IP adresses just so that I can make her tell the world how much she loves me!

'Cos you know she does...

And I love her, too!


1. What time is it right now?
1:16 AM

2. What are you usually doing at this time on any given day?
Although I probably should be sleeping, I am usually doing exactly what I am doing now, sitting in front of the blasted computer!

3. Is there a day of the week that time seems to fly by faster than the other days?
Since Sunday is the only day that I do not have to go to work, it flies by very quickly.

4. If you could make ONE hour of each day twice as long, which hour of the day would you choose?
3 AM would be a good choice, that way I could stay up late and get a little extra sleep, too!

5. If you could make one DAY of the week twice as long, which day would you choose?
For obvious reasons, I would choose Sunday.

6. If you could make one hour and/or one day HALF as long, which time of the day, and which day of the week would you choose?
I don't want to shorten any hours or any days.I don't have enough time to get the things done that I need to do as it is!

7. Do you agree with the following statement? "The older you get, the faster time goes by."
Since I have vowed never to get any older, I am not qualified to answer this question!

8. What do you usually do during your "down time?"
Play around on my computer, watch TV, take a nap...
All of the usual stuff.

9. What one thing do you spend more time doing each day than anything else?
Monday through Saturday I spend more time working at the post office than any other activity. On Sunday I goof off!

Sunday, February 27, 2005

It's Time For Sunday Brunch!

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch."
~ Orson Welles ~

1. Do you take your lunch hour at work?

Lunch HOUR?! What the hell is a lunch HOUR? I've never been employed by a company that allowed more than thirty minutes for a lunch break. And, yes, I usually do take that thirty minute break.

2. Where is your favorite place to eat lunch?
If I'm working, Cox's Market has a fantastic hot deli. Sandwiches, soups, stews, all homemade! Unfortunately, by the time I arrive there at around noon, many of the best choices are sold out.
If I'm looking to go out for lunch on my day off, The Little Bamboo has an excellent lunch menu with prices only pennies higher than most of the value meals at McDonalds.

3. What do you usually eat for lunch?
Recently, I haven't been eating anything at all. I'm looking for there to be less of me to love. So far I've lost nine pounds. WOOT!

4. Do you eat lunch with anyone on a regular basis?
Being a mail carrier makes it difficult to arrange a lunch date with anyone. I take my break when I get to my chosen destination on my line of travel, which can vary greatly from day to day. Sometimes Bonnie, the other carrier who passes through the same area, is there at the same time that I am and we stop to chat.

5. If not eating, what do you usually do on your lunch hour break?
My lunch break has become more of a potty and cigarette break these days. A lot few calories that way!


I'm Bloody British!

At least, that's what the people at Blogthings say!

You Belong in the UK

A little proper, a little saucy.
You're so witty and charming...
No one notices your curry breath

What English Speaking Country Do You Belong In?

Yeah, I'm bored and taking quizzes again!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Venite Adoremus
Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

The evening has come. It is time for me to worship the great guitar god, Matthias Jabs. The candles at the shrine must be lit. All must be silent, save for the sound of the guitar riffs from Passion Rules The Game. I must kneel before the shrine and offer words of worship.

Hey, pretty baby
I want to go your way
Don't wanna be a part of playing the game of higher love
When you're mine

You are so dirty, and yet so beautiful
Oh, you are my fantasy!

Now, I must repeat the last two lines in German, lest the great guitar god not recognise the words in English.

Du bist so schmutzig, und doch so schön
Oh du meine phantasie!

To end this period of worship, I must of course kiss the photo of the great one.

My worship is concluded. I may now go back to the normal activities of the night.

You guys are intelligent enough to see the snark here, aren't you?!

Friday, February 25, 2005

Top Five On Friday

This week's top five is all about the dearly departed.

Top five songs and or albums from artists that are no longer with us.

Just for fun, I thought I'd do both.


1. This Song - George Harrison
Written about his problems with the Bright Music lawsuit, George's delightful sense of humor really shines though in these lyrics.

2. Color My World - Chicago
Although the band has perservered, this song was sung by their original guitarist, the late Terry Kath.

3. Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These - John Lennon
This song is almost a theme song for me on many a day!

4. Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer
I just loved him. It's such a shame that he died so young.

5. Hound Dog - Elvis Presley
Because I just had to include one song by "The King."

The entire list belongs to these two men...

1. 33 1/3 - George Harrison
Simply delightful and oh so humorous.

2. Double Fantasy - John Lennon
So sad that he was murdered shortly after this album's release

3. Cloud Nine - George Harrison
A great album with so many of George's friends helping out.

4. Gone Troppo - George Harrison
How could anyone NOT like an album with that title?!

5. All Things Must Pass - George Harrison
This double disc set is full of treasures...

I'll be off to cry in a corner now. So many wonderful artists no longer making sweet music for us. There are so many that I probably could have done a Top Ten or Twenty.
That's just so sad...

Thursday, February 24, 2005

A Note Of Thanks
'Cos even Moody Bitches need a little love sometime...

Dear AMdyBluFan,

I don't believe that I have ever stopped to thank you for the many wonderful things that you have done for me. I have been so blinded by the hatred that you spew in your comments that I failed to see that you were, in fact, helping me to grow in many ways. I didn't realise how by doing this you helped me keep my wits sharp. Thinking of replies to your spewing is a real challenge. I thank you for the inspiration!

But you have also given me so much more. In your attempts to humiliate me in front of others you led me to discover that for every nasty, mean-spirited person in the world there are even more who are kind, understanding and loving. This was something that I had long forgotten. For this reminder, I thank you!

Through your persistence in visiting my blog day after day you have shown me that someone out there really does give a damn about what I have to say (even though you may not like it). So, I say, "thank-you for caring!"

In all of my life I may never understand what motivates you to be so hateful, but I suppose it is your right. This is a free country, after all. And so, to your hatred I offer thanks and love, for through it you have taught me to truly appreciate my friends, family, and others who love me.

With gratitude and love,

Lady Starlight

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

To My True Friends, The Family Of Spiders

I would like to apologize to all of you for the actions of the peron who calls herself AMdyBluFan. She had no business bringing her foolishness onto your forum. She started this feud with me over a year ago by harassing my sister, so I stepped in to take her abuse. NO ONE does or says the kind of things she did about my family and gets away with it. And to draw my "other family" into her petty squabbling is reprehensible!

I am, of course, referring to you, the people who have proven to me that they are my true friends even though we have never met or even conversed via the internet. Chrisscorp, your response to her post, which I have reproduced below, touched my heart.


You handled her post with a sort of dignity and grace that I could never manage. For that I thank you and all of the others who responded to her post. You have all proven to be true friends to me. Although I still choose not to become a member of your forum, your kindness to me has not gone unnoticed. I shall always hold a special place in my heart for you, the dear members of The Family Of Spiders, a family of which I am proud to be a member.

I love you all, for it is not a crime to love. It is rather a thing that this world could use a lot more of.


I Don't F-ing Care

Well, you just gotta hand it to my "friend" The Moody Bitch. She thinks I give a shit about her childish pranks. Do I? Not in the least. Her comments and tags are easily deleted. And as for her little post on the-scorpions.com, she's not telling these people anything that they don't already know. I've been linked there before. I care not what these people think of me because I choose not to hang out with other fans. If they want to think I'm an obsessed freak, that's fine by me. That's their right, but why, oh why, didn't she let them know what an obsessed Moody Blues fan she is? After all, she is a self-appointed moody fucking policewoman! Good God! Posting photos found on a message board is such a crime. I guess she never read the board host's user agreement.

Now, for the record, there are a few things I'd like to set straight, just so what an idiot she is can be known.

1. I am 43 not 45. She confuses my age with hers.

2. I was NOT upset to discover that Matthias was married. It was his deception that bothered me.

3. The song was written as a joke, to freak out the people who arrived here from the previous link to my site on the Scorp's forum. It is not meant to be a great musical masterpiece.

4. Never have I said that I wanted to marry Matthias. What I have said is that I would never want to marry ANYONE! Marriage is an outdated institution that should be abolished.

5. Let's talk about obsession. If I am indeed obsessed with Matthias, at least my obsession is for one hell of a sexy man, as is in evidence in this photo...

She, on the other hand is obsessed with ME, a woman whom she calls a filthy slut pig!

What a fucking blogstalker! Why she doesn't just take a chill pill is beyond me.
Prozac, anyone? Lithium drip? Better still, euthenasia. This woman needs to be put out of her misery...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A Message
To You-Know-Who!

I know that I'm going to live to regret this, but I just can't resist!

Don't forget your medication!


Take Me Back Tuesday

This week it's all about the ladies...

1. Name 5 female artists you admire.

1) Linda Ronstadt - Have I mentioned that I once wanted to BE her?
2) Dolly Parton - Beauty, talent, and she seems like a decent person. What's not to like?
3) Bernie Barlow - A very talented lady
4) Madonna - Until she went all "mommy" on us. I liked her better as the material girl!
5) Cher - I wonder what she's not wearing today...

2. Name three female artists you wish would just go away.
What?! Only three! That's cruel!

1) Celine Dion
2) Whitney Houston
3) Sheryl Crow

C'mon, please let me name a few more...
Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, Shania Twain, Christina Aguilera....
The list goes on and on.

3. If you could tour with any female artist - who would it be?
Hmmm... I don't think that touring with another female would be a wise thing for me to do. The fur would fly eventually. Messy...

I wouldn't mind making friends with a certain German female artist named Sonya Kittelson, though. Perhaps she would introduce me to one of her friends.

Monday, February 21, 2005

I'm A Siren

At least that's what the people at Blogthings say.

Your Seduction Style: Siren

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many.
The minute you meet anyone, you can make him crave you almost immediately.
You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss.
A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Yeah, I was bored and taking quizzes again.


This week, using the letters in your name (real or screen name), list places that you've been to. Be creative! Have fun! =)

ancaster County, Pennsylvania. Lots of good food out there in Amish Country!
Africa. Morocco, to be exact.
Donora, Pennsylvania. My savings is held hostage by the credit union there.
Yummy Chinese. The restaurant where I had dinner today!

Spain. Costa del Sol, Sevilla, and Madrid. A beautiful country.
Twin Towers. Yes, I stood atop one of the fallen trade centers back in 1980.
Atlantic City, New Jersey. Ooooo... pretty lights!
Red Dawg's Sports Lounge. That's where I had that yummy pineapple upsidedown cake drink last week!
Longwood Gardens. It's been more than twenty years since my last visit, but I'm hoping to return there this summer.
Idlewild Park. Home of the world's wimpiest roller coaster.
Giant Eagle. THE place to buy groceries in the Pittsburgh area!
Hershey, Pennsylvania. Chocolate Town U.S.A.
Toronto, Ontario, Canada. For a freaking bowling tournament! Didn't win a thing. We sucked!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

It's Time For Sunday Brunch!

"Turn them on, turn them on, turn on those sad songs. When all hope is gone, why don't you tune in and turn them on?"
~ Elton John ~

1. Do you have a song with your significant other and what is it?

When "The Estranged One" and I first met, Steve Perry's Oh Sherry was very popular. He used to sing it to me, substituting my name for Sherry. I guess he did have a romantic bone or two in his body back then.

2. Name three songs that were special to you with former significant others. Do you still think of that person when you hear it?
My very first boyfriend, Doug, and I both performed in a stage production of the musical Down In The Valley. Any time I hear asong from that show, I think of him.

Tom was a DJ who worked for several different radio stations in Pittsburgh when I was with him. Our relatioship was a rough and rocky one. We were constantly breaking up and making up. The making up part usually included a bouquet of red roses and him singing me Elton John's I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues. Every time I hear that song, I think of him. I guess that's why I don't like it anymore.

My sweet. beloved, Brian was a keyboard player. He was quite fond of playing melodies by Bach on his organ.
*Insert giggle here. We always did!*
Yes, every time I hear a piece by Bach I think of him and our love that was never allowed to blossom and grow.

3. What is your favorite song of the moment?
The Scorpions' Deep And Dark tops my current list of favorites. Why? Because the lyrics sound like they could've been written about me.

4. Do you associate songs with time periods? Give an example.
Hell, yeah, I do! Doesn't everyone? Songs like Neil Young's Ohio (Kent State Shootings) and The Scorpions' Wind Of Change (Fall Of The Berlin Wall) were written to be associated with certain time periods.

5. If you were to give your job a theme song, what song would it be and why?
Um... Mr. Postman
I am a mail carrier, after all!

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Translation, Please!

This is one of many banners found in Pittsburgh's south side in an area where a new group of shops and restaurants are being built. The top word, float, is in English, but the others are not. It would seem to me that the other words are ones meaning the same, in various different languages, presumably to emphasize the city's broad ethnic make up. The second word, Gleiten, looks to be German, but of the other two I have no clue!

Cany anybody help me out?


A Progress Report

A while back, while answering the questions in The Thursday Bookworm, I mentioned that I thought it would be rather interesting if I wrote a love song for Matthias Jabs and posted the lyrics here. The idea was greeted with some enthusiasm by one of my friends who said, "Do it! Do it! Write that song!"

I've had lots of ideas floating around in my head since receiving those words of encouragement, but none of them seemed quite right until the other day. The idea just popped into my head and now I can't get it out. I find myself absentmindedly singing the little bit of chorus that I've written all day long. I have a melody for the verses, but haven't quite worked out the lyrics. When I finally do that, I will begin work on the guitar parts. Then I will be ready to sing it to the world! Or Matthias, if only I could have a chance...

I call it Baby Blue Eyes, and here is the bit of lyrics that I've written so far:

What will you do, baby blue eyes
What will you do about me loving you
Will you tell me more of your sweet lies
And give false alibis knowing I can see right through
To the truth
Is that what you'll do
Because I love you

Ain't rhyming couplets grand?! I wish that I could sing this for you, but you're probably lucky that I can't.

To be continued....
P.S. The phrase "sweet lies" refers to the fact that a certain someone does not admit that he is, in fact, married.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Top Five On Friday

Top 5 Songs That Can Put You To Sleep
(Interpret as you see fit, this could be songs that act like lullabies, songs that are boring or just songs that relax you)

The reasons for each of these songs making the list are given. I've decided to go with several different interpretations of this topic.

1. Rhythm Of Love - The Scorpions
If I fall asleep while this song is playing, I will most certainly have very sweet dreams!

2. Dance Of The Sugarplum Fairy - Tchaikovsky
This melody is an excellent lullaby, especially if I close my eyes and envision the Tetris pieces falling.

3. A Moment In A Million Years - The Scorpions
Klaus, what were you thinking when you wrote this song? It's a real wrist slasher! I will fall asleep just to avoid listening to it!

4. Hey Jude - The Beatles (full length version)
After a certain point, it just goes on, and on, and on...

5. The First Cut Is The Deepest - Sheryl Crow
I don't want to be witness to a crime, so I will fall asleep to avoid hearing Ms. Crow's murder of this Rod Stewart classic.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

A To Z Quiz
AKA 26 Things About Me...

I found this on Brandie's blog. It looked like fun, so I thought I'd have a go at it!

Accent: None, Lady Starlight does not do Pittsburghese! But, I do have a tendency to pick up the accents of those around me when I am travelling.

Bra size: Let's just say extra large and leave it at that...

Chore I hate: All of them! I am a lazy slob at heart.

Dad's name: Andrew

Essential make-up products: Cover Girl cream to powder foundation, lipstick and blush by any manufacturer as long as the color suits my mood.

Favorite perfume: Calvin Klein's Obsession

Gold or silver?: Silver

Hometown: Charleroi, PA, U.S.A.

Interesting fact: The Scorpions were once thrown out of a battle of the bands competition for playing to loud!
You knew I'd find a way to sneak The Scorpions in here, didn't you?!

Job title: Rural Letter Carrier

Kids: Two sons, Raymond (18) and Michael (13)

Living arrangements: Two story wood frame house owned by myself and "the estranged one." Not fancy, but it's mine.

Mom's birthplace: Charleroi, PA, U.S.A.

Number of apples eaten in the last week: None, apples are not high on my list of favorite fruits.

Overnight hospital stays: Two as an adult for the births of my children. Once for surgery when I was three.

Phobias: I am extremely claustraphobic. I also fear heights. Oddly, I don't fear flying.

Question you ask yourself a lot: "Why did I think I wanted to be married?"

Religious affiliation: Roman Catholic, but I tend to follow my own consience more than any religious teaching.

Siblings: One younger sister, Andrea and one older brother, Rudy.

Time I wake up: On workdays, Monday through Saturday (usually) 6:15. On Sunday... whenever!

Unnatural hair color: My hair has neen unnaturally colored since I can't remember when. I refuse to go gray!

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Canned peas, Ewwwwwww!

Worst habit: Smoking

X-rays?: Lots over the years... For dental work, broken bones, childbirth issues...

Yummy food I make: Lady Starlight does not cook!

Zodiac sign: I'm a Scorpion! Tee hee!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Meme Of Death

Well, it's not really the meme of death, but I was threatened with death if I didn't do it! Since I don't particularly feel like dying yet, here it is...

Take Me Back Tuesday

And I would have had this posted yesterday had it not been for a certain person really ticking me off. You have no idea how much self control I exercised in yesterday's open letter!

On to the meme...

The last four decades....list 3 of your favorite songs from each:


No Pain No Gain - The Scorpions
Send Me An Angel - The Scorpions
Freshly Squeezed - The Scorpions

Passion Rules The Game - The Scorpions
No One Like You - The Scorpions
Walking On The Edge - The Scorpions

No surprises there, huh?

Heart Of Gold - Neil Young
Philadelphia Freedom - Elton John
Do You Feel Like I Do - Peter Frampton

Some notes about these songs:

Heart Of Gold is always the first song I play upon picking up a guitar.
Philadelphia Freedom was only released as a single. It never appeared on any of Elton's Albums. The flipside was a live duet with John Lennon, the song, I Saw Her Standing There!
If you listen carefully to the album version of Frampton's song, you will get to hear him utter the words "I wanna fuck you" through the vocoder!

Nights In White Satin/Late Lament - The Moody Blues
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
Young Girl - Gary Puckett And The Union Gap

Now, for the second part of the meme...

Doing the same...list 3 of your favorite bands/artists from each:

This is actually quite difficult. How exactly do you classify a band that has had hits in two, three or all four decades?


I've clumped these two decades together because most of my favorite bands from the 80's continued to have hits into the 90's and even to the present. They are:

The Scorpions
Def Leppard

Elton John
Neil Young

The Beatles
The Monkees
The Moody Blues

There! I've done it. Now I can live another day.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Another Open Letter
And it's not to Matthias!

Dear Ania,

Please, go away!

I never asked for anything from you, nor do I want anything. I do not want your pictures. I do not wish to have discourse with you. I do not want your friendship. I just want to be left alone! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I have a policy of not befriending other fans, and it's one that I adhere to quite strictly. My reasons for this are quite personal and I have no desire to dicuss them. Go off and enjoy yourself at that concert in Frankfurt and forget that I exist. I will be eternally grateful to you for doing this.

Lady Starlight

Monday, February 14, 2005

How To Make Lady Starlight Happy

Just buy her one of these!
Mmmmm... Tastes just like pinapple upsidedown cake, only this has a real kick.

Yeah, I've been taking pictures of my food (or drinks, in this instance) again!


First of all, choose a letter of the alphabet. Now, choose a number 1-10.

Got a letter?


Got a number?

Here's this week's challenge:

Using the letter you chose, write down (number you chose) things that describe the current season where you live.

1. Many people take off to Florida during this season because the weather is so much nicer there than it is here.

2. Mail count now occurs during the winter months, giving me hope that I could possibly get a relief day (or at least a bit more on my paycheck) in the not so distant future.

3. Michael (my youngest son) was born on a bleak winter day in January thirteen years ago!

4. March is said to come in like a lion and go out like a lamb. Funny but it always seems to tease us by working the other way around!

5. My children were both born in the winter months. Ray's birthday is March first.

6. It would be nice to have Matthias Jabs to keep me warm during these cold winter days!

You just knew I had to work him in here somehow, didn't you?!

7. Making hot cocoa is a good way to warm up when you're chilled to the bone.

8. Money is in short supply at this time of year due to exceptionally high heating bills!

Sunday, February 13, 2005


I am one of The Certifiable Wenches. It is a blog that is shared with my sister and several other friends. The blog itself is my sister's brainchild. Although I can post and fiddle with the template, I have no control over the outside features on this site such as comments, tag boards, counters, etc. I cannot delete anything contained in these areas. I have neither the usernames nor the passwords to do so.

And since certain people are so concerned about my marital non-status, I'd like to clear the air. He did NOT leave me. I threw his fucking ass out when he got himself fired from his very good job and refused to look for another. The lazy bastard expected me to support him, and I still am, in a way, doing just that. I just don't have to look at his lazy butt every day!

As for the white trash slut that he has taken up with, I really don't give a shit! I just want a divorce. You see, I respect my marriage vows. I've had plenty of offers, but until "the estranged one" and I have our marriage dissolved, I do not feel free to accept any of them.

There are plenty of mirrors in the world. I can look into any one of them and see that although I may not be thin, I most certainly am not ugly. It's a shame that certain other people can't do the same...

Oooo... I am SO looking forward to the comments I'm going to have to delete on this post.

To quote Pat Benetar:
"Hit me with your best shot
Fire away!"


It's Time For Sunday Brunch!

"On Valentine's Day, millions of men give millions of women flowers, cards and candy as a heartfelt expression of the emotion that also motivates men to observe anniversaries and birthdays: fear."
~ Dave Barry ~

1. Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day with your significant other?

Significant other? By that are you referring to that man to whom I am married, yet do not live with? The one who is sleeping with someone else? The one who refuses to discuss a divorce because he needs my insurance to pay his medical bills? Celebrate Valentine's Day with him?! You're joking, right?

2. What is the best Valentine’s Day gift you have ever received?
The best gift that I ever got on Valentine's Day came from one of my postal customers. It was one of those feel good type of gifts. It contained a box of chocolates, a bottle of bubble bath and a scented candle. On the attached card was a little poem that she had written about how I was to use each of the items. Following the poem were the words "Merry Christmas" and her signature. She had bought me this gift for Christmas and forgotten to give it to me. It made my miserable Valentine's Day much happier.

3. Describe your best Valentine date.
Have I mentioned the the every man that I've ever had the misfortune of dating has been an unromantic cheapskate? My "best Valentine date" exists only in my fantasies. In it I am with Matthias Jabs and we have wild passionate sex all day and all night.

There's no romance involved, and no talk of love, because those things are just illusions. They don't exist. The only thing that is real is sex, no promises, no strings.

4. Did you pass out Valentines to your classmates as a child?
Yeah, our teachers forced us to do it...

5. What is your favorite Valentine décor? (hearts, cupids, etcetera)
My favorite Valentine décor is none at all! I hate this stupid holiday about the nonexistant concept of love and romance and I wish that it would just go away!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

How To Be A Moody Bitch

No, I'm not talking about those times when PMS strikes. I'm referring to one of God's children whom we all know and love so well, THE Moody Bitch! Her bitchiness has reached such a degree of perfection that she has turned it into an art form. I bow to her greatness.

Having so often been on the receiving end of her bitchiness uniquely qualifies me to give lessons to any and all who wish to emulate her greatness.

Lesson #1: You must be a Moody Blues fan. You can under no circumstance listen to any music other than The Moody Blues.

Lesson #2: You must become a member of the Higher & Higher forum. While there you must befriend and kiss the asses of all of the amatuer photographers who post pictures there. Comments such as, "You always take such beautiful shots, whatever sort of camera do you use?" must be used frequently there, even though most of the photos have been defiled by idiots who think that scrawling their name (or screen name) through the photos constitutes copyright. (It doesn't!)

Lesson #3: You must consider any person who removes the scrawl from such photos to be guilty of a capital offense. Learn to spot offenses!

It is your duty as a self appointed Moody Policewoman to search the web for offenders and punish them by spewing hatred at them. Calling them fat, ugly sluts is always a good way to start...

Lesso #4: You must consider Marie Hayward to be the most beautiful woman alive, even though she looks like, well... this:

Anyone caught expressing an unflattering opinion of Mrs. Hayward must be punished. Once again, the words "fat, ugly slut" are very useful. There's no need to be creative or original, just be fucking nasty!

Lesson #5: Never admit to being who you really are, even though your IP adresses are dead giveaways. Use multiple computers in different locations to try to cover your tracks; home,work, school. Create different "Moody Screen Names" to use when spouting nasty comments on other people's personal webspace. Be stupid enough to believe that this will work.

So, there you have it! How to be a Moody Bitch in five easy lessons. Now go out there and get bitchy!

Be sure to check the comments below to see a fine example of her work!
Awww... Her "friends" think that Marie is beautiful. I think that these closet lesbians need to come out of the closet and get their bifocals changed!

Friday, February 11, 2005

Top Five On Friday

In honor of Valentine's Day on Monday, we're getting a double dose of Top Five this week!

First up is...

Top Five Love Songs

1. Obsession - The Scorpions

Oooo, Klaus, I want to be your obsession!

2. Still Loving You - The Scorpions
Another "I'm sorry. I love you." song from the master.

3. Believe In Love - The Scorpions
I think that Rudolf was listening to the Eagles when he wrote the music to this one...

4. No One Like You - The Scorpions
Because love songs don't have to be slow and sappy!

5. Rhythm Of Love - The Scorpions
"Let us find together
The beat we're looking for..."

Now, onto Part II...

Top Five Love Songs You Hate

1. Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney And Wings

One of the most overplayed songs of all time!

2. Muskrat Love - The Captain And Tennille
Muskrat?! Love?! Now that's a visual that I just didn't need!

3. I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues - Elton John
Nothing personal, Elton. This song just brings back some really bad memories.

4. My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion
Maybe if you quit giving yourself CPR by beating on your chest, your heart wouldn't go on...

5. Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Written about the wife that Eric stole from best friend, George Harrison, this song just makes me want to pop him (Clapton) right in the nose!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

A Perfect Score

With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, I just knew that the people at Blogthings would have some sort of quiz in honor of the occasion. I was not disappointed. So, wouldn't you like to know exactly how romantic I am...

You Are A Realist

You are more romantic than 0% of the population.

When it comes to romance, you tend to take a realistic approach.
You believe that love takes time, and it's something you have to work hard for.
A bit cynical, over the top romance tends to get under your skin.
Your heart is difficult to win ... but it's totally worth it.

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

That's right, I am absolutely 0% romantic! This cynic gave up on that notion a long time ago. My heart has been broken too many times.

Only one of these two men could change my mind.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Wolfgang, My Dear...

Why do you insist upon torturing me so? Does your cruelty know no bounds? If you have any heart at all, please cease and desist!

I am referring to this email, reproduced here in its entirity:

Dear Scorpions Fans,

the folling dates have been confirmed:

June, 3 2005 Freiburg Germany Messehalle
June, 4 2005 Krefeld Germany KönigPalast
July, 9 2005 Frankfurt / Main Germany Waldstadion
October, 7 2005 Wolfratshausen Germany Automeile

Gah! And if that is not torture enough, several more emails followed containing links to buy tickets for the shows!

How many times do I have to tell you that I live in the U.S.? I have no passport and very little money. As much as I'd like it, I just can't flit off to Germany to see these shows. And while I'm ranting, exactly how many people on the ENGLISH mailing list do you really think can afford to do so?

But rest assured, my dear, that the first thing I'd do if I were ever able to make that trip to Deutschland would be to give you a bit of tutoring in the use of the English language!

Lesson #1: The first word in a sentence should be capitalized!

Lesson #2: The word is "following", not "folling"!

Lesson #3: The comma should be placed after the day, not the month!

The Chief of the Grammar Police has spoken!
Please note that I did not call myself the term that I normally use, out of respect for you.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Take Me Back Tuesday

What were they thinking? When they were in the band, they were amazing. Now they left - and they have solo records.
In this case Sammy Hagar doesn't count. He had solo projects before he ever joined Van Halen.

That being said, list at least 5 band members who left their bands to pursue solo projects.

1. David Lee Roth and Van Halen just ain't the same without him!

2. Uli Jon Roth, one of Matthias Jabs' predecessors in The Scorpions. Good riddance to him, I say!

3. Michael Schenker, Matthias' other predecessor. He's got quite a loyal group of followers.

Look! Here he is (center) with big brother Rudolf (left) and Matthias Jabs (right).

4. Peter Cetera. Once more, the band went on without him (Chicago) but it just isn't the same.

5. Neil Young. Neil was actually in two bands before striking it out on his own, Buffalo Springfield and CSN&Y.

List 3 frontmen who made less than successful solo efforts. You can use names from above but try not to overlap.

1. Jon Bon Jovi. One solo album and it was back to the band. Funny, it all sounds the same to me...

2. Tom Petty. Full Moon Fever was his only so-called solo album and he couldn't even do that without the help of most of his bandmates.

3. Ralph Rieckermann. OK, so he's not a frontman, he's a bassist, but he left The Scorpions to persue solo projects in the U.S. I'm still waiting, Ralph...

List 3 groups made up of members that have reformed from other groups.

Ah, the proverbial "Super Group." Please note that not all members of the following groups have left their original bands. Some people are better at juggling their time than others...

1. Wild Horses. Scorpions' drummer, James Kottak is also a member of this band along with some big names from other 80's hair metal bands. If you don't already own a copy of their latest album, Dead Ahead, go out and buy it now!

2. The Traveling Wilburys. George Harrison, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, Jeff Lynn and Bob Dylan. It's a shame that The Traveling Wilburys never did any traveling.

3. Damned Yankees, featuring Ted Nugent and... others!
Now where in hell did I put that CD?!

Monday, February 07, 2005

Cruelty Alert!

I would really like to know what manner of idiot ties his pit bull pup to a tree while he goes off to eat burritos at Qdoba! This poor pup was cold, frightened, and lonely. He was shaking like the proverbial leaf as I took this photo. To leave a frightened dog unattended is a recipe for disaster. Certainly pit bulls have a bad reputation that they do not deserve. They are, for the most part,gentle, loving animals, but like most animals, they may behave unpredictably when frightened. Pit bulls have very powerful jaws, certainly powerful enough to snap a muzzle as flimsy as the one this dog is wearing! If this frightened pup injured someone, whose fault would it be? Who would suffer the most? The fault would lie with the dog's owner, but that wouldn't prevent the dog from being "put down." The poor dog would pay the price for his owner's foolishness.

So, to the owner of this dog I'd like to say, You have a beautiful animal. Please, protect him from harm by leaving him home when you go out to eat.